Strawberries

Today is the day. I have been asked to help and made a decision to assist in the great unfolding of the universe. I am a star being and my family comes from a galaxy many light years from here. I will not see them for many unfolding eras, and it is with a heavy heart that I descend into what I believe will be darkness.

I don’t know where I am, and I don’t know how long I have been here. It is dark like the inside of a small old-fashioned kitchen cupboard with peeling pale green paint. My heart hurts—an incredible pain that knows of my innocence and cries out in anguish at what I feel is my punishment for unknown transgressions.

A whirlwind scoops me up and takes me down through layers of dark, dank dirt, with a stench of putrefaction that assaults me and makes me curl into a small ball. I careen out of control down a swirling slide and attempt to cover my nose from the smell. Down I go, ever deeper into the earth, bumping against the rough texture of the rocks and outcroppings that seem to open grudgingly as I pass. There is no end to my terror.

All of time merges into a tiny pin prick as many eons pass and I adjust to the dark and mysterious environment in which I find myself. I await redemption yet it doesn’t come and eventually I give in to the hopelessness and despair that surround me. Lost, I have forgotten who I am.

Standing at the kitchen sink with its pale green rectangular tiles intermixed with white square ones, I stem the strawberries, careful to only remove the greenish-white unwanted core, leaving each red strawberry whole and perfect in the bowl. I love this job because I can sneak a strawberry or two when no one is watching. hey are my favorite fruit and their season is short, just a month of the year, and I can never seem to get enough of their luscious, sweet flavor that squish in my mouth and leave me feeling soft and happy as if, all by themselves, they could satisfy my inner yearnings.

I cut them into pieces, leaving one whole, and add the sugar. I play a game that if I find the one whole strawberry in my bowl when they are divided between everyone, then I will get my wish. It is my own little game, one that I do not disclose to anyone as it would break the spell.

I have adjusted to this world, yet I have not. I am rebellious and often chastised and punished for my disobedience. Yet, I am not unruly and attempt to follow the rules with a desire to please those in my sphere. There is something, though, that I hold back and they know it. I cannot help who I am and the being inside of me screams for release. It is as if I am two people, the one who is compliant and the other one who remembers who she is and is determined to be that being.

A stubbornness begins to take shape inside, a determination and patience to discover all that is necessary to be who I truly am, and it takes hold in many small ways. It is as if that piece of me that I lost so many eons ago is beginning to fight her way up from the dark and take back the power of the universe and to rise once again to the stars.